B&A: I feel really nervous about this.?

Work with someone, in person, who can highlight where you switch tenses and use pive voice. Also, though you have a good balance of narration and dialogue (i.e. only a brief exchange between a significant amount of narration), read your dialogue aloud to see where the wording sounds unnatural; most people speak simply, so anything within quotations should be written very directly, unless you want your character to speak in a unique way (keep in mind, that can be unappealing to readers... shouldn't necessarily deter you though.)